he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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