You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
