so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
