i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize