Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
