So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
