just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
