just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
