apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
