I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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