He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
