are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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