hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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