Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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