I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i think i just lost a toe
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