living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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