so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
