my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
