If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
