yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
