Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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