They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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