Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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