I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
