you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
