I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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