If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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