The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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