He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
