Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
