WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
