whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
