Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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