She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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