Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
