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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I thought she had blonde hair

  (302): View more from Delaware

  No, Gonorrhea actually

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  How was your Memorial Day?

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.

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• (289): View more from Ontario

  i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?

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• (585): View more from New York

  i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?

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• (587): View more from Alberta

  You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way

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• (760): View more from California

  You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding

  (248): View more from Michigan

  And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand

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• (626): View more from California

  Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.

  (1-626): View more from California

  That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.

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