He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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