Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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