I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize