I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
