I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
