I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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