Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
