I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
