I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
