I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
