Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
