WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Shame - the story of my life.
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