Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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