Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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