Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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