Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
