I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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