If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
