girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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