Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
