Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
