life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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