my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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