OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
