Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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