i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
