The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She announced her abortion via fbk
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
