It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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