quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize