The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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