His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
